Go see this movie. Seriously. I'll wait.
Are you back? Good...let's discuss. I have a strange relationship with Indy movies. I was too young to appreciate Raiders Of The Lost Ark and Temple Of Doom when they came out, and while I thought Last Crusade was great, it was overshadowed that summer, for me, by the first Batman and the second Ghostbusters movies.
It's only been in my adulthood that I have gained an appreciation for the brilliance of the Indiana Jones movies...or at least, the first and third movies. I never have been a huge fan of Temple Of Doom, and I can't figure out why. I've watched it several time, but I'll be damned if I can tell you what it's about. Something about glowing rocks, child slaves, and Thugee Guards.
I approached Crystal Skull with a measure of trepidation. On the one hand, it was Indy, back in the theatres. On the other hand, I'm full aware of how most people view the new movies of long-established series'. The first 3 Star Wars episodes were universally panned by most fan-nerds...and there is no rage quite like Nerd Rage. Personally, I liked the Star Wars Episodes I, II, and III; though not as much as IV, V, and VI. But unlike the fan-nerds, I don't call for George Lucas's head on a pike for this, and instead just believe that the difference in my level of enjoyment is the fact that when full Star Wars Mania hit, I was a child. My head wasn't swimming with mortgage payments, car payments, and trying to figure out how to get in a girls pants. The biggest stressor in my life when Return Of The Jedi came out was what cool ships and action figures from the movie did I was to spend my allowance on, and which ones were I going to have to beg beg BEG Santa Claus to bring me at Christmas.
Having learned my Star Wars lesson, I approached Indy IV with the mindset and there were only a handful of things I wanted from this movie to feel completely satisfied.
1) I wanted to see Harrison Ford get his ass kicked. Indiana Jones is all about action, but where James Bond is able to deliver his ass kicking in a tux with nary a scratch on him when it's over, George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg take great delight in kicking the crap out of Harrison Ford's character. He's very human, sometimes he mis-judges pits that need jumped over, and the bad guys are on the same fighting level as himself. In other words, he gets his ass kicked.
2) I wanted fun bad guys. One of the things that made Raiders and Crusade great were the Nazi's. Everybody know who Nazi's are, they are the universal "evil" in the last 20 years. Temple Of Doom replaced Nazi's with....strange Thuggee assassins. Boring. Crystal Skull forgave Nazi's for Communists. That's good enough for me.
3) I wanted a treasure that actually means something. Raiders and Crusade had Indy after religious artifacts of great significance. Temple Of Doom had him going after...some....strange....glowy rock things for some reason. If you really need me to tell you what the MacGuffin is in the new Indiana Jones movie, then forget it, I'm not going to tell you. You're obviously a crash helmet wearing jackass who is late for dinner at the group home.
4) Snakes. Indiana Jones, in all of his human-ness, hates snakes. They are his kryptonite. Luckily for us, Lucas and Spielberg gave ample opportunity in Raiders and Crusade to have Indy get into situations where had to face his fears with steely jawed bravado. Temple Of Doom had him in a corridor filled with giant insects. Insects don't scare Indiana Jones, so how was that impressive? So I want snakes in Indy 4.
OK, now that I've given you a primer on my opinions of the Indiana Jones Franchise, I suppose I should give you the high and low points of the movie. I'll try to not post any spoilers, but at this point, if you gave a damn about this movie, you'd have already seen it.
Overall, I liked this movie, which is good. Movies fall into two catagories for me:
Movies I want to like, and do like: Independence Day, Christine, Ghostbusters, The Departed
Movies I want to like, but don't like: The Hulk (2003), The Saw franchise, Resident Evil
Anyway...I'm rambling again....as I said, overall, I enjoyed this movie. It was made better by the fact that SWMBO and I saw it at the Drive-In on a warm clear late spring night (everything is better at the Drive-In).
The movie takes place 19 years after The Last Crusade (which came out 19 years ago....go figure) and as such, Indy has aged (quite well as I've heard some women comment). The plot involves some Russians who kidnap Indy and force him to find some Crystal Skull which can help them....well, lets just say it can help them be even more evil and Communistic (in much the same way the Ark Of The Covenant was supposed to help the Nazi's become more...ummm...Naziistic?).
Within the first 30 minutes, we have a car chase inside of a warehouse, multiple vehicle pile-ups, Indy getting his ass kicked, Indy kicking ass, swinging from light fixtures, getting shot at, and a Nuclear Explosion.
So the action winds down (for right now) and I go get some Popcorn and a Bladder Buster of Coke. I get back and people are still talking on screen. The Lost City Of Gold (el Dorado) is mentioned; which makes for the second reference to el Dorado in 6 months at the movies (the wonderful National Treasure II).
Another chase breaks out, this time on a motorcycle, which is a lot of fun. One liners fly just as quickly as the cars are moving. Damn I'm loving this movie so far.
Soon, Indy is kidnapped again....blah blah blah...Soviet's Dancing in the middle of a forest....oh, wait, there's the Crystal Skull....that looks like an....OOOOOOOh, THAT'S what Mark meant about this movie that he didn't like.
OK, so I'm kind of disappointed at that, but so far I'm scoring this movie as a solid 95% on my "How Glad Am I To See This" scale....which means it's doing VERY well.
I can't really give away much more of the plot (it's my blog, I'll change direction mid-stream if I damn well please....go read another blog if you don't like it).
Needless to say, there are several more big action sequences, large man-eating Ant's (as a bug-a-phobe, I could have done without that) and a few more stunts that made SWMBO yell "Oh come ON...that's IMPOSSIBLE!" at the screen.
Overall, a highly satisfying night at the movies, all things Indy were there.
That's the good....but being a fair reviewer, I do have some "bad".
1) I don't recall him every really being referred to as Indiana Jones in this movie, save for maybe once or twice.
2) Not enough references to snakes. In fact, there was only one snake scene that I can remember...but co-star Shia Lebou...Labu...Leb....the geeky kid from Transformers, freaked out a bit at Scorpions, so that set up for what is possibly his fear (and yes I'm going on record right now as saying that I hope to see his character in any upcoming Indy films).
So like I said, my complaints were few, and my enjoyment was huge (seriously...the Quicksand and Jungle Chase scenes themselves are cause enough for my $7 tickets to be considered the bargain of the century), so go see this movie. Right now.
So far this summer, we're 2-0 with our record (Iron Man being the other winner of the season).
Two weeks from now, we're up for a two-some with Kung-Fu Panda and You Don't Mess With The Zohan.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
The Unsophisticated Gourmet
I realize this is a rather stupid statement to make, but I don't have any other clever ways of opening this blog entry up, so I'm just gonna say it. I like food. I like food a lot. I'm far from being a "gourmet", but I know what I like. I love good Italian Food (and no, Fazoli's is not good Italian Food) and about the only chain I think of to get the good stuff would be Carraba's down in Carmel…oh curse you Tagliarini Picchi Pacchiu with your wood-fried shrimp and the artery-clogging-goodness of your side dish of warm Italian Bread with seasoned olive oil dipping sauce.
In addition to Italian Food, I'm also a huge fan of Mongolian BBQ Style cooking. BD's Mongolian BBQ and Flat-top Grill are two favorites that come to mind. I love the diversity there, you can pretty much get anything you want, any style of food you can possibly imagine. It's like Disneyland for Fat People.
But every now and then, I get a craving for something that a $25 plate of Sirloin Marsala, a side order of grilled Bruschette, and a glass of sweet red wine just can't satisfy. This is when the unsophisticated pallet kicks into high gear and the only thing that will make me happy is "Dirty Food" that most people wouldn't touch in a million years.
My favorite place to eat breakfast is a small hole-in-the-wall bar that sits in the shadow of the old Delco Electronics Plant-1 Admin Building called "Stella's Lounge". During the week, when I have a day off, I usually start it there, and start it with a plate full of greasy goodness. A sausage patty as thick as any hamburger you can get, scrambled eggs, and highly processed American Cheese sandwiched in between two buttered slices of Whole Wheat Toast. Not being satisfied with this, and figuring "If I'm gonna die from a heart attack damn it, I at least want to go happy" I also buy a companion for my greasy sloppy breakfast sandwich…and the companion is a monster portion of crispy hashbrowns drowned out in Stella's home-made white gravy. Pay no attention to the congealed grease cooling on the edge of the plate, it's there for decoration. Speaking of decoration, no trip to Stella's for breakfast would be complete without the bar-maiden who serves it up to me. You all know the type too…omnipresent cigarette in her mouth, tattoo on her left sweater-kitten, and the inability to refrain from calling every guy in the bar "Sweetie" or "Hun". The Big-Screen TV is always tuned to The Weather Channel, and the usual cast of characters is sitting around the bar chain smoking, getting drunk at 8 a.m., telling dirty jokes, and arguing plot lines from 20 year old episodes of Magnum PI…..it's just like Thanksgiving at Mom's House!
Once I get home, and throw my clothes in the washing machine (mandatory unless you want to walk around smelling like a bar all day), my day is perfect, my belly is happy, and my cholesterol is spiking. Life is good.
Occasionally though, I get the "dirty food" feeling at times other than breakfast. I used to be able to satiate this with a trip to Hardee's and their Gastrointestinal Weapon Of Mass Destruction known as the Philly Cheese Steak Thickburger. If this burger were an abusive spouse and gave me a black eye, I love it so much that I'd just tell my friends "I'm clumsy and ran into a door, it was my fault, she really does love me, I just make her angry sometimes". You start with a 1/3 pound angus burger patty, then on top of that was melted cheese, shredded steak (yes, that's right…actual steak on top of a hamburger), onions, green-peppers, and mushrooms, and another layer of cheese, all in between a thick burger-bun. Whoever said you can't buy love obviously never took $6.95 to the Hardee's Drive-Thru.
MMMmmm, now that IS a Tasty Burger!
However, Hardee's decided that they had to stop selling this burger (which is good because I was starting to write letters to them demanding they re-name it "The Philly Cheese Steak Crack-Burger"), so I was left with a dirty-food void in my life.
However, one sunny Sunday afternoon, I stopped by the Circle-K Gas Station down the street from my church to buy a Coke, and was greeted with a most wonderful aroma. What delicious food was causing my brain to explode into stomach-growling fireworks? I quickly scanned the gas station, and there, on top of the roller-grill, I fell in lust with the Mistress Of The Gas Station. The Queen-Hooker of all Dirty-Foods. The Jalapeño Cheddar Dog! Impossible! It's a hot dog (hot dogs are a great staple of the Dirty-Food lifestyle), stuffed with diced Jalapeño Peppers, and little chunks of melted Cheddar Cheese.
Where the Good Stuff lives
Unable to stop myself, I purchased one, fully expecting to be disappointed. There is no way in the world that this will taste anywhere near as good as it sounds. I got home, carefully unwrapped my prize, and cautiously bit into it. Wow! It was like the hot dog declared a Jihad in my mouth and my taste-buds were the Infidel! My tongue burned, my eyes watered, and my heart packed it's bags and walked out the door (Dear Greg: You are an insensitive bastard. You don't care about me. All you do is hurt me, and I can't be in this relationship anymore. I'm off to find someone who isn't going pack me with Processed Meat-Grease. I hope you burn in hell. Love, Your Heart).
Behold the Glory!
From that day, the Jalapeño Cheddar Dog because a staple in my diet. However, as time went on, I began to realize that I needed to change my eating habits. I looked at a picture a friend of mine had taken at a car show where I was standing next to a car. As I looked at that picture, I began to realize that there was no way in the world I could ever be a Duke, because I wasn't going to be able to stuff my Krispy Kreme Laden Ass through the window of any car. So then and there I decided to change my gluttonous ways.
However, being Greg, which means I'm no saint, I still enjoy the occasional trip to Stella's Lounge, and the occasional Jalapeño Cheddar-Dog, but I have cut these items down to once every 2 or 3 months. For the most part, my dietary staples are now Slim Fast Shakes, Lite English Muffins, and Lean Cuisine Frozen Panini. While I may not always like my limited diet choices, the 170 pounds I've lost makes missing my favorite greasy loved-ones all the more bittersweet.
In Memorial: My Disgusting Fatness. 1974 - 2007
In addition to Italian Food, I'm also a huge fan of Mongolian BBQ Style cooking. BD's Mongolian BBQ and Flat-top Grill are two favorites that come to mind. I love the diversity there, you can pretty much get anything you want, any style of food you can possibly imagine. It's like Disneyland for Fat People.
But every now and then, I get a craving for something that a $25 plate of Sirloin Marsala, a side order of grilled Bruschette, and a glass of sweet red wine just can't satisfy. This is when the unsophisticated pallet kicks into high gear and the only thing that will make me happy is "Dirty Food" that most people wouldn't touch in a million years.
My favorite place to eat breakfast is a small hole-in-the-wall bar that sits in the shadow of the old Delco Electronics Plant-1 Admin Building called "Stella's Lounge". During the week, when I have a day off, I usually start it there, and start it with a plate full of greasy goodness. A sausage patty as thick as any hamburger you can get, scrambled eggs, and highly processed American Cheese sandwiched in between two buttered slices of Whole Wheat Toast. Not being satisfied with this, and figuring "If I'm gonna die from a heart attack damn it, I at least want to go happy" I also buy a companion for my greasy sloppy breakfast sandwich…and the companion is a monster portion of crispy hashbrowns drowned out in Stella's home-made white gravy. Pay no attention to the congealed grease cooling on the edge of the plate, it's there for decoration. Speaking of decoration, no trip to Stella's for breakfast would be complete without the bar-maiden who serves it up to me. You all know the type too…omnipresent cigarette in her mouth, tattoo on her left sweater-kitten, and the inability to refrain from calling every guy in the bar "Sweetie" or "Hun". The Big-Screen TV is always tuned to The Weather Channel, and the usual cast of characters is sitting around the bar chain smoking, getting drunk at 8 a.m., telling dirty jokes, and arguing plot lines from 20 year old episodes of Magnum PI…..it's just like Thanksgiving at Mom's House!
Once I get home, and throw my clothes in the washing machine (mandatory unless you want to walk around smelling like a bar all day), my day is perfect, my belly is happy, and my cholesterol is spiking. Life is good.
Occasionally though, I get the "dirty food" feeling at times other than breakfast. I used to be able to satiate this with a trip to Hardee's and their Gastrointestinal Weapon Of Mass Destruction known as the Philly Cheese Steak Thickburger. If this burger were an abusive spouse and gave me a black eye, I love it so much that I'd just tell my friends "I'm clumsy and ran into a door, it was my fault, she really does love me, I just make her angry sometimes". You start with a 1/3 pound angus burger patty, then on top of that was melted cheese, shredded steak (yes, that's right…actual steak on top of a hamburger), onions, green-peppers, and mushrooms, and another layer of cheese, all in between a thick burger-bun. Whoever said you can't buy love obviously never took $6.95 to the Hardee's Drive-Thru.
MMMmmm, now that IS a Tasty Burger!
However, Hardee's decided that they had to stop selling this burger (which is good because I was starting to write letters to them demanding they re-name it "The Philly Cheese Steak Crack-Burger"), so I was left with a dirty-food void in my life.
However, one sunny Sunday afternoon, I stopped by the Circle-K Gas Station down the street from my church to buy a Coke, and was greeted with a most wonderful aroma. What delicious food was causing my brain to explode into stomach-growling fireworks? I quickly scanned the gas station, and there, on top of the roller-grill, I fell in lust with the Mistress Of The Gas Station. The Queen-Hooker of all Dirty-Foods. The Jalapeño Cheddar Dog! Impossible! It's a hot dog (hot dogs are a great staple of the Dirty-Food lifestyle), stuffed with diced Jalapeño Peppers, and little chunks of melted Cheddar Cheese.
Where the Good Stuff lives
Unable to stop myself, I purchased one, fully expecting to be disappointed. There is no way in the world that this will taste anywhere near as good as it sounds. I got home, carefully unwrapped my prize, and cautiously bit into it. Wow! It was like the hot dog declared a Jihad in my mouth and my taste-buds were the Infidel! My tongue burned, my eyes watered, and my heart packed it's bags and walked out the door (Dear Greg: You are an insensitive bastard. You don't care about me. All you do is hurt me, and I can't be in this relationship anymore. I'm off to find someone who isn't going pack me with Processed Meat-Grease. I hope you burn in hell. Love, Your Heart).
Behold the Glory!
From that day, the Jalapeño Cheddar Dog because a staple in my diet. However, as time went on, I began to realize that I needed to change my eating habits. I looked at a picture a friend of mine had taken at a car show where I was standing next to a car. As I looked at that picture, I began to realize that there was no way in the world I could ever be a Duke, because I wasn't going to be able to stuff my Krispy Kreme Laden Ass through the window of any car. So then and there I decided to change my gluttonous ways.
However, being Greg, which means I'm no saint, I still enjoy the occasional trip to Stella's Lounge, and the occasional Jalapeño Cheddar-Dog, but I have cut these items down to once every 2 or 3 months. For the most part, my dietary staples are now Slim Fast Shakes, Lite English Muffins, and Lean Cuisine Frozen Panini. While I may not always like my limited diet choices, the 170 pounds I've lost makes missing my favorite greasy loved-ones all the more bittersweet.
In Memorial: My Disgusting Fatness. 1974 - 2007
Saturday, May 17, 2008
3 Worst Jobs In TV Advertising
A couple weeks ago, SWMBO and I were watching TV. During the commercial break we started snarking some of the ads (gimme a break, it was raining outside and there wasn't anything else on). We got to talking about the people they hire to star in commercials, and decided that there were three people we would never be on television, no matter how much money they threw at us.
Well ok, fine, I'll be honest, we only identified two, but my OCD will now allow me to compose a list with less than three members. Are you satisfied now? Can I continue? Thank you!
Name: Ms. Ima Nastyho
Affliction: Herpes...the gift that keeps on givin'
Product:: Valtrex
I'm not quite sure why Ms. Nastyho is starring in a commercial for Valtrex. It should be obvious to her that nobody watches commercials...otherwise a 30 second Trojan spot could have saved her a lot of trouble. Of course, she would also not be gainfully employed as The Herpes Girl, and would instead have to spend her days collecting "Friends With Benefits" from the McDonalds Drive-Thru.
Before I'm hunted down with pitchforks from the Feminazi's of the world, maybe she isn't a total ho who stacks club-douches up like pancakes...maybe a previous boyfriend/husband couldn't keep it in his pants and brought something home to her. If that is the case, maybe a 30 second commercial for The Kama Sutra could have helped keep her man from running astray?
Name: Mr. Richard Flacidstein
Affliction: Erectile Dysfunction....can't quite get the li'l soldier to salute
Product:: Viagra/Cialis
Long gone are the days of Presidential Hopeful Bob Dole getting on TV telling all the world that he had trouble getting....little Dole....to salute. Too bad Bill Clinton didn't have the same problem. These days, men are almost proud to go on TV admit that they too just can't quite get the clock to move past 6:30 (think about it).
Maybe I'm a too much of a prideful person, but I just can't see me ever wanting to appear on national TV and tell the whole world that my dick is broken. The Viagra people have even tapped the music catalog of national treasure (and former Gravy Storage Tank) Elvis Presley with the Viva Viagra ad campaign. I cringe every time I hear it. If admitting you have problems with your wedding tackle isn't bad enough, now we have aging baby boomers dancing around their suburban kitchen while a bad Elvis cover wails in the background. I don't think they make a pill that will cure someone of excessive lameness.
Name: Mr. Robert Smallwood
Affliction: Teeny Wanger Syndrome
Product:: Enzyte
These commercials are a double edged sword. On the one hand, the only thing that could be possibly worse than going on TV and admitting that you have ghonnaherpasyphilcrabaids, or going on TV and admitting your manhood is as hard as melted ice cream, would be going on TV and telling the entire world "I Have A Small Dick". There is no excuse for this (other than excessive Caucasianness, which also causes one to be unable to dance, unable to dunk, and insistence that Ray Ramano is a comedy God). With Herpes, you can be given it without knowing....excessive limp-dickedness can be caused by any number of health issues (but is still a comedy goldmine nonetheless), but having a Tiny Pecker is just jaw-droppingly hilarious.
Luckily, the makers of Enzyte decided to have a bit of fun with this, and created Bob, the Microscopic Dick Guy. Now, we don't know a lot about Bob...his job obviously takes him to the orient from time-to-time, and we know that he likes to play golf. Other than that, we know nothing about Bob...however, we do know that Bob is hung like a paper-clip. Not one of those big jumbo paper-clips you find on the top shelf in the office supply cabinet, but a really really SMALL paper-clip.
Then, by some miracle, Bob discovers Enzyte, which grows his Cocktail Wiener into a USDA certified Grade-A chunk of man-meat. Along with his throbbing schlong of manliness, the makers of Enzyte decided to give Bob a grin that should be reserved for walking into a hotel room and finding Carmen Electra, Shakira, and Gwen Stefani naked and covered in Caramel. Where was I? Wait, lemme just savor that image for a second....ok....anyway, yea, Bob's got a big ass grin. Try and keep track of the number of not-quite-subtle Dick references in the commercial.
So remember kids...no matter how crappy your McJob might be, at least you aren't on TV admitting that you're a total ho-bag whose cootchie is a Petrie Dish of STD cultures, or that you missed the train to Boner-ville...or even worse, you're hung ...like...well....a White Guy.
Well ok, fine, I'll be honest, we only identified two, but my OCD will now allow me to compose a list with less than three members. Are you satisfied now? Can I continue? Thank you!
Name: Ms. Ima Nastyho
Affliction: Herpes...the gift that keeps on givin'
Product:: Valtrex
I'm not quite sure why Ms. Nastyho is starring in a commercial for Valtrex. It should be obvious to her that nobody watches commercials...otherwise a 30 second Trojan spot could have saved her a lot of trouble. Of course, she would also not be gainfully employed as The Herpes Girl, and would instead have to spend her days collecting "Friends With Benefits" from the McDonalds Drive-Thru.
Before I'm hunted down with pitchforks from the Feminazi's of the world, maybe she isn't a total ho who stacks club-douches up like pancakes...maybe a previous boyfriend/husband couldn't keep it in his pants and brought something home to her. If that is the case, maybe a 30 second commercial for The Kama Sutra could have helped keep her man from running astray?
Name: Mr. Richard Flacidstein
Affliction: Erectile Dysfunction....can't quite get the li'l soldier to salute
Product:: Viagra/Cialis
Long gone are the days of Presidential Hopeful Bob Dole getting on TV telling all the world that he had trouble getting....little Dole....to salute. Too bad Bill Clinton didn't have the same problem. These days, men are almost proud to go on TV admit that they too just can't quite get the clock to move past 6:30 (think about it).
Maybe I'm a too much of a prideful person, but I just can't see me ever wanting to appear on national TV and tell the whole world that my dick is broken. The Viagra people have even tapped the music catalog of national treasure (and former Gravy Storage Tank) Elvis Presley with the Viva Viagra ad campaign. I cringe every time I hear it. If admitting you have problems with your wedding tackle isn't bad enough, now we have aging baby boomers dancing around their suburban kitchen while a bad Elvis cover wails in the background. I don't think they make a pill that will cure someone of excessive lameness.
Name: Mr. Robert Smallwood
Affliction: Teeny Wanger Syndrome
Product:: Enzyte
These commercials are a double edged sword. On the one hand, the only thing that could be possibly worse than going on TV and admitting that you have ghonnaherpasyphilcrabaids, or going on TV and admitting your manhood is as hard as melted ice cream, would be going on TV and telling the entire world "I Have A Small Dick". There is no excuse for this (other than excessive Caucasianness, which also causes one to be unable to dance, unable to dunk, and insistence that Ray Ramano is a comedy God). With Herpes, you can be given it without knowing....excessive limp-dickedness can be caused by any number of health issues (but is still a comedy goldmine nonetheless), but having a Tiny Pecker is just jaw-droppingly hilarious.
Luckily, the makers of Enzyte decided to have a bit of fun with this, and created Bob, the Microscopic Dick Guy. Now, we don't know a lot about Bob...his job obviously takes him to the orient from time-to-time, and we know that he likes to play golf. Other than that, we know nothing about Bob...however, we do know that Bob is hung like a paper-clip. Not one of those big jumbo paper-clips you find on the top shelf in the office supply cabinet, but a really really SMALL paper-clip.
Then, by some miracle, Bob discovers Enzyte, which grows his Cocktail Wiener into a USDA certified Grade-A chunk of man-meat. Along with his throbbing schlong of manliness, the makers of Enzyte decided to give Bob a grin that should be reserved for walking into a hotel room and finding Carmen Electra, Shakira, and Gwen Stefani naked and covered in Caramel. Where was I? Wait, lemme just savor that image for a second....ok....anyway, yea, Bob's got a big ass grin. Try and keep track of the number of not-quite-subtle Dick references in the commercial.
So remember kids...no matter how crappy your McJob might be, at least you aren't on TV admitting that you're a total ho-bag whose cootchie is a Petrie Dish of STD cultures, or that you missed the train to Boner-ville...or even worse, you're hung ...like...well....a White Guy.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Bad Blogger, No Pizza
Sorry I haven't blogged in a while (well ok, in about a month and a half). I've had a lot going on recently, I'm headed back to college in the fall to finish up my bachelor's (which is ironic since I'm pretty much not a bachelor anymore...**kiss** love ya baby!). On top of that, I've kinda been looking for a new job, plus the weather is nice now, so I'm spending more time outside, working on the yard, working in the garage, on the house, and detailing the car.
But good stuff is coming, the sordid tale of a car sales girl almost flirting me out of $40,000, the summer I drank WAAAY too much Coke in hopes of winning an Ecto-mobile, and a brief preview of the the Pimp-Mobile.
But good stuff is coming, the sordid tale of a car sales girl almost flirting me out of $40,000, the summer I drank WAAAY too much Coke in hopes of winning an Ecto-mobile, and a brief preview of the the Pimp-Mobile.
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